I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
