Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
did i just pee glitter
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize