please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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