fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize