I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
