Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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