call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dignity is for republicans.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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