Banned from zoo.
Again?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
