i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize