Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
