He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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