a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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