As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize