his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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