i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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