Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me I should be a condom model.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
