I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
