i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize