would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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