I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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