i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
