dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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