I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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