you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
