cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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