If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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