if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
