he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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