Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
