i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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