This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
