What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
