Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize