I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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