I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
