I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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