My friends, they love my intelligence
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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