ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
