Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I could fuck to npr.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
