god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
