She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize