I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
