I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
