Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
