I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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