as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
