Someone shit on the floor
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
as a side note pls kill me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
