she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
