she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize