who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
