is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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