So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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