Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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