Who wears a wallet chain?!
so let's talk penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
