Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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