I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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