carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
two words...techno handjob
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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