Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
