he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
