you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize