My sheets look like a crime scene.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
