Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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