i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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