Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am one with the molecules
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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