The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
