she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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