Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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