mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
