I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
