I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
only you would photoshop your dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
