Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
