At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
