So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
