dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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