3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
