I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
