whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
