These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
