where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
