I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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