Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
