Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
