rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
