Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
