Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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