So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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