My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
