i would punch a child for taco bell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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