i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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