i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
