And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
