Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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