FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
