Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize