Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
