my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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