her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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