she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found a bag of teeth...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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