There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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