I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if only i could text you this smell
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We're too hungover to prance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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