I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
