...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
