i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize