You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCK WHALES
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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