I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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