Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
