Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
