I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
