did you get engaged???
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
